Author: menowing

Why silence reads as indifference

Many of the men who've shared their stories with me aren't uncaring at all. They're worried about getting it wrong. So they say nothing and to the colleague on the receiving end, silence can look a lot like not caring. Multiply that across a team and a good working relationship slowly goes quiet.

What "everyone" looks like

• Managers of every gender who know how to start the conversation: ask, listen, adjust.
• Men as allies, not bystanders. That can be as simple as asking "what would help?" and believing the answer.
• Colleagues who understand that someone may be supporting a partner through menopause and needs understanding too.
• A culture where nobody has to whisper about what they're going through.

None of this needs a big budget. It needs a shared language and a little practice.

At home, as well as at work

The same is true at home. If you haven't read it yet, Why International Men's Day Matters for Menopause Conversations goes into this side of it. And on the day itself I'll be hosting a free book reading and sharing circle for men at Cobh Library, 11am to 12.30pm. Details and booking here.

If your team could use this conversation

The sessions I run for organisations aren't lectures. At their best they're a room where people finally say the thing they've been wondering and nobody flinches. If you'd like to bring that to your team, take a look at the corporate workshops and speaking page.

And if you're looking for support yourself, or for the two of you, you can find out how to work with me here.

What pain does to a relationship

When someone is living with pain, she may cancel plans, go quiet, snap or head to bed early. From the outside it can look like withdrawal. From the inside it's a body asking for everything she has. Partners usually respond in one of two ways. Some reach for solutions: "Have you tried meditation/stretching etc.? Have you seen someone about it?" Others say nothing at all, afraid of getting it wrong. Neither lands well. What she needs first is to be believed.

What helps

• Believe her the first time. No cross-examination.
• Ask what today is like, rather than assuming it's the same as yesterday.
• Take something off her plate on the hard days, without making a speech about it.
• Encourage her to talk to her GP. Persistent pain deserves proper medical attention and menopause is only one of the possible causes. Offer to go along if she'd like company.
• Stay. Listen. Don't disappear.
  
  

At work

Many women in their late forties and fifties are carrying pain, tiredness and broken sleep through the working day, often saying nothing. Small adjustments cost very little: a chair that works, flexibility around breaks and start times and a manager who asks rather than assumes. They also keep experienced people in the room.

I'm not a medical professional and nothing here replaces advice from your GP. What I can speak to is the human side: what it's like to live with and how to love, lead or work alongside someone who is.

If this is close to home

If you're living with this, or supporting someone who is and you'd like some company in it, you can find out how to work with me here or take a look at the Menopause Circles. If you lead a team and you'd like to open this conversation in your workplace, you'll find more here.

Menopause conversations have made real progress in recent years. Women are speaking more openly. Workplaces are slowly catching up. But there's a whole side of this experience that's barely been touched: the men standing beside the women going through it, quietly trying to work out what to do and rarely given the tools, the language or the permission to ask for help themselves.

That's exactly why I think International Men's Day and menopause belong in the same conversation.

Men Are Affected Too: Just Differently

Nearly two-thirds of Irish women say they rely on Google, rather than their GP or their partner, for information about menopause. That tells you something important: even the people closest to it are often left figuring things out alone, including the men trying to support them.

Men aren't expected to understand hormones or symptoms. But they are expected by themselves, (often unfairly) to know how to help. And when nobody teaches them how, the silence can quietly strain even strong relationships.

A Day, and a Space, to Start Differently

This year, I'm marking International Men's Day with a free book reading and sharing circle at Cobh Library. A space for men to ask the questions they don't usually get to ask, without judgement and without needing to have the answers first.

It felt like exactly the right day to do it. International Men's Day isn't about taking anything away from the menopause conversation. It's about finally including the other half of the room.

Join Us

Thursday 19th November 2026, 11am–12.30pm
Cobh Library
Free. Spaces limited. Full details and how to book here.

If you can't make it in person, you don't have to navigate this alone either way. Find out more about working with me here. 

It means people are finally asking the right question: not "how do we manage this quietly," but "how do we actually support the people going through it?"

In Ireland specifically, nearly two-thirds of women say they rely on Google, not their GP or their employer, for information about menopause.

That tells you almost everything about the gap that still exists and how much workplaces could offer, if they simply started the conversation.
This shift matters. It means fewer women feeling like they have to hide what they're experiencing.

It means colleagues finally having the language to ask, "are you okay?" and really mean it.

We're not fully there yet. But every workplace that starts this conversation moves us closer.

If yours hasn't started yet, I'd be honoured to help. Learn more about workplace sessions here.

If you're looking for individual support rather than a workplace enquiry, you can find out how to work with me directly here.

If you're navigating this or love someone who is, you don't have to do it without support. Find your circle here.

Here's what I want you to know: it's real, it's common and it passes. You are not losing yourself.

You are moving through something enormous and your mind is allowed to need a little more patience right now.
You might need to make notes and use your mind differently from now on.

One small thing that helps: write it down, say it out loud or just name it in the moment: "I've lost my train of thought and it'll come to me"... or
"that's the brain fog talking." Sometimes just having language for it takes away some of the fear and anxiety.

If you're navigating this or love someone who is, you don't have to do it without support. Find your circle here.

Not an easy situation. All those quiet, private moments of not knowing, happening behind desks and in meeting rooms, while nobody says a word out loud.

Here's something worth sitting with: menopause typically affects women between 45 and 55 - exactly the age range where women are often at the peak of their careers, holding the most experience and seniority. When that's lost quietly, through someone stepping back or leaving, that's not just personal. It's organisational.

Menopause isn't a problem that happens to show up at work. It's a workplace issue, because work is where so many of us spend our best years and it deserves the same honesty and care as any other part of wellbeing.

If your workplace hasn't had this conversation yet, I'd love to help start it. Gently, honestly, and with real, practical understanding.

Learn more about workplace sessions here