The Pain You Can't See: World Menopause Day 2026
By MICHELLE A. HARDWICK
The Pain You Can't See: World Menopause Day 2026
World Menopause Day falls on Sunday 18 October and this year the International Menopause Society has chosen a theme that rarely gets the attention it deserves: chronic pain in midlife.
Not hot flushes. Not mood swings.
Pain. Aching joints. Stiff mornings. Muscles that complain after the smallest effort. Headaches that arrive without warning. Many women going through perimenopause and menopause report exactly this, and some are told, kindly or otherwise, that it's just part of getting older.
Here is the difficulty with pain you can't see. Nobody can check it. Nobody can measure it. So it's easy, even for people who love us, to quietly decide it's smaller than it really is.
What pain does to a relationship
When someone is living with pain, she may cancel plans, go quiet, snap or head to bed early. From the outside it can look like withdrawal. From the inside it's a body asking for everything she has. Partners usually respond in one of two ways. Some reach for solutions: "Have you tried meditation/stretching etc.? Have you seen someone about it?" Others say nothing at all, afraid of getting it wrong. Neither lands well. What she needs first is to be believed.
What helps
- Believe her the first time. No cross-examination.
- Ask what today is like, rather than assuming it's the same as yesterday.
- Take something off her plate on the hard days, without making a speech about it.
- Encourage her to talk to her GP. Persistent pain deserves proper medical attention and menopause is only one of the possible causes. Offer to go along if she'd like company.
- Stay. Listen. Don't disappear.
At work
Many women in their late forties and fifties are carrying pain, tiredness and broken sleep through the working day, often saying nothing. Small adjustments cost very little: a chair that works, flexibility around breaks and start times and a manager who asks rather than assumes. They also keep experienced people in the room.
I'm not a medical professional and nothing here replaces advice from your GP. What I can speak to is the human side: what it's like to live with and how to love, lead or work alongside someone who is.
If this is close to home
If you're living with this, or supporting someone who is and you'd like some company in it, you can find out how to work with me here or take a look at the Menopause Circles. If you lead a team and you'd like to open this conversation in your workplace, you'll find more here.
Want to go deeper?
“Are You Ready to Be Her Wingman?” is a free 10-page guide drawn from the book. Five themes, a self-assessment and real quotes from the men. Sign up here for your free copy.